Broken

I wrote this last week but havent managed to put it up until now: This morning as I sit here in my unshowered state, after a Law and Prophets lectures I was going through the blogs on my RSS Reader and wanted to find something real....and this is it, a thought provoking post from Jason Clark READ MORE OF MY THOUGHTS HERE This post really affected me, not necessarily in a bad way, to be honest I just dont like the phrase it touched me, but I guess it did. I am so overwhelmed that Jesus is the healer, as much as he is "Lord of all", its such a beautiful paradox that Jesus is Personal, and also ruling over all the earth, he's in the macro and the micro....The Paradox, the mystery, its what makes its beautiful for me. Anyway some things that The biggest thing which I recognized here was the part "the vows I had made to survive, that we now crippling, and that for God to deal with them I had to let them go" this is so hard for me to do, my survival instincts are completely contrary to the life I want to lead, to soften my heart to people and things that hurt me, to be completely inclusive and Jesus to everybody, to not look out for number one, to invest my time in things which wont benefit me directly. These are the things that just aren't conducive to a life given over for Jesus. And its crippling, it paralyzes my pride, something which reminds me to do this is the song Jesus All for Jesus. It says "All I am and ever hope Jesus....All of my ambitions, hope and plans I surrender them into your hands" Thats so hard for me, because I crave to have fulfillment in being significant no falling by the way side, but what I fail to realise in the flesh is that you can only be significant in community and with Jesus. Part of the steps to understanding Jesus and our relationship with him is to be broken, so in that case I know Im not perfect....but I want more of Jesus.